is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you inspire me to be a worse person
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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