the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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