mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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