I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
