Got a toothbrush?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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