You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
