the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
where does the pee come out of this thing
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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