i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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