I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
