4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
