im about as happy as oj after his trial
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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