people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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