I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
