I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
