I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
