tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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