They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
