STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
