just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
