Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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