I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
