My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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