I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
