He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
