You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
