I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
