Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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