I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
