How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
