Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize