Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
