I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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