My friends, they love my intelligence
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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