Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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