well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have post one night stand depression
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
