Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
