Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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