she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
