My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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