Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize