took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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