I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
