It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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