Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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