two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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