I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
