she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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