I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
