Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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