it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
