i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
how drunk are you?
Several
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
