no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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