bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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