hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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