I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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