New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
