You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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