Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
