You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
