I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
