Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
