An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My dick has a subreddit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Will exercising make me less horny?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
