It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I want a musical about memes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
