Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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