mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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